Depression is like a tooth ache of the soul. It throbs so deeply, you have to drill away the decay before you can restore it. I, both unfortunately and fortunately, have been there. I have experienced the saddest of emotions and the freezing familiarity of walking close to death.
I am a survivor.
I have come to love life so dearly, so deeply, so joyously that I have also come to know fear-- fear of how frail those who love life truly are. They are oblivious to the innateness of their surroundings. As the old saying goes, "ignorance is bliss." I have come to love ignorance, and thus has come my dissatisfaction with my pursuit of a Sociology degree. I am tired of analyzing people. I need boundaries that I can follow in order to be happy. The familiarity and comfort of the grayness are undermined by my desire to walk the narrow and rocky path.
I want to feel life. I want to experience it, in every sense. Now that I have overcome my depression, I feel as though it was just one platform of hard experience that has caused me to feel the refreshing jubilee that comes with wisdom achieved through experience. I was almost defeated once. I almost died for freedom. Freedom from myself.
My family fought for me. Though at the time, I did not appreciate it. Someone's Facebook status today read: "Someone out there you've never met is wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you." I absolutely love this.
You see, I have lost hope before. I could describe it all in eclectic detail but let me just tell you this. When all of my hope was gone... every single last molecule of my dissipating hope was so far away my whole life was suddenly dark... there it occurred to me. There is always hope, because when you have no hope, you hope for something to hope for.
Things just started to come together at that point. Here I am today, writing you from a very contented time in my life. I am blessed.
Have hope, always.
Yours truly,
DP
No comments:
Post a Comment